The Crazy Things We Do for Love

I've had this blog for like 3 days and I still haven't figured out how I want to start of this first post. So many things are running through my head that I don't even know how to put it into words and arrange these words into sentences that actually make sense. So I guess I'll take it step by step... What's on my mind now?

A lot went on last week, it was horrible at the time, but now that I look back, it actually makes me feel better about a lot of things. People showed their true colors, and I learned a lot of life lessons that will help me in the future.

I started the week in a relationship and ended it single. It seemed okay for a while but now that I sit and think I'm starting to miss this person. "Slim" is who I've called them from the beginning because I guess you can say that we had a forbidden love. So bittersweet it was, it felt good in all the right places but it felt just as wrong. Knowing that they were still in love with the person before really hurt me, but I still milked it for what it was worth and enjoyed my time with this person although I knew that they're heart didn't belong to me completely. Never have I had so many good feelings surge through my body, only from being around someone, or fall in love so fast, thinking of them constantly and dreaming of them nightly. Yearning for their touch at the most random times, smelling their cologne in the breeze and instantly getting taken to a state of ecstasy longing for their lips to touch yours, wanting to feel their breath on your lips as they part their lips to welcome yours. Bittersweet. Wondering if when they sit and stare into space and sink into a deep state of thought, are they thinking of you? Or are they thinking of her? I never wanted to know the answer to that question, playing the tough guy role like I didn't care but in all actuality I did, so much in fact that I'd get sick to my stomach from thinking about it. Then there's the doubt, always wondering, "do they REALLY love me?" fingering the heart shaped charm that is engraved, "Love Always..." Things remembered? Remember how good it felt to know that you loved me, but how bad it felt to realize that the saying, "I love you too," had a different meaning. Think about it. Katy Perry's, "Thinking of You" plays in the back of my head as tears well in my eyes, I'm breaking inside. The only thing that is worse than breaking up with someone that you love is knowing that the one you love, loves someone else and THAT is what is breaking the bond between you two. No use in fighting it, or trying to force it to work, what's the use of having a relationship that isn't mutual? Or better yet, what's the use of being in a relationship where you're loving the idea of being loved, but dying to be loved at the same time, pleading with the other persons heart, "please beat for me, atleaast once." No go. Closing your eyes and making a wish that maybe after I open my eyes things will be fine. Doing things that we wouldn't do normally, making sacrifices, dissing friends, the crazy things we do for love, only to figure out that love doesn't love us back. The worst love is the love that won't go away, any time something related to the person that we love is brought to our attention, your heart begins to ache, as if it was saying, "where are they?" No one knows. **These are the situations you have to learn to let go**

Love makes you do crazy things...

Crying at the drop of a dime just at the thought that while you're lying in your bed, alone, they're most likely lying with someone else... Then your mind goes down an information highway thinking of what the other person is doing at this exact second, the mystery starts to eat away at you so you pick up your phone and text them, "what are you doing?" no response. "I miss you" no response. Now you're sick with the blues, getting worked up because nothing is said back when in all actuality they're just in the shower and haven't seen your texts yet. Man I hate that feeling. Let it go.

Foot note: If you're fresh out of a relationship, don't communicate with this person for another month at least, breaking up on Thursday and then texting on Saturday isn't going to help the situation, if its meant to be it'll be. One of the oldest sayings in the book is, "if you love someone let them go, and if they come back that's how you know that they really do love you and that its meant to be." Ok. Good saying but don't stress yourself out hoping that they come back, as a matter of fact don't expect to come back, cause if they do it'll feel so much better because it's unexpected. Don't lose any sleep over it. Let me take my own advice.

The crazy things we do for love...

Yea like being up at 3 in the morning blogging about how I feel. Ugh. I'll just leave it at this and return later on with something else.... hmmm.

SO dope. *