Losing My Balance . . .

Living life is just like learning to ride a bicycle. You start off with a Big Wheel, once the front tire has lost its traction you have to throw it away and graduate to the brand new shiny bike with the training wheels. Once you've mastered that, you take one off until finally you can ride without them. Even still you have a few wipe outs, but there's always the big one that happens and you skid yourself up pretty bad, rocks get stuck in the palm of your hands and the bike falls on top of you .. You lie there looking up at the cloud, face hot from the pain, tears welling in your eyes, you'll probably cry. Once you realize what happened, you push the bike from on top of you and you get up, brush off all of the dirt and rocks, check out your battle wounds and hop back on. (I'm not gonna lie when I fell like that, that was it for me lol I would walk the bike right back to my house and get back on it later) But you get the point. 


Being the youngest of three with a 10 year difference automatically made me the spoiled brat of the bunch. My mother has been a great mother to me and I've never had to want for anything, even now! I can't complain about that, but I can complain because of how it has crippled me. Freshmen year of college was my first time being away from my mother and all of her cushioning, and it was hard, many nights I cried and wanted to just give up on everything because I didn't know what to do. I was so confused and unhappy that I was on anti-depressants for the first 2 years. College is a taste of the adult life, but you're still under supervision and there are a lot of things that are handed to you. This past school year, I moved off campus and got an apartment and I started trying to branch off from my mother as much as I could. I've done relatively well but she's still a huge factor in my life and I'm extremely grateful for that. 


As you know I've been buzzing about moving to Atlanta, in hopes of building a new life for myself. I haven't moved yet, but I've spent a good month or so there and I must say that the *new life* that Atlanta had in store for me wasn't all glitz and glamour like I had planned. I'm a firm believer in things happen for a reason and live life with no regrets. And believe me it has helped me tremendously throughout this time. The time spent in Atlanta has truly been the darkest and lowest part of my life but at the same time it was the brightest because it shined a light on a lot of things about life, people, and myself that I hadn't seen before. 


Being a psychology major I learn a lot about people, and why they do the things that they do.  Little do some people know, the way that you were raised, and the things that take place in your life are the reasons many decisions are made. Luckily I knew this. I've mentioned in one of my last posts that I had wrote a paper in my Personality Theory class that really opened my eyes to a lot of things about myself. With that in mind I thought I had everything figured out, so I hopped on my bike and went full speed into the fast life in Atlanta, I hit a few bumps here and there but I still kept riding, until finally I hit a HUGE pot hole and wiped out royally! And I was left lying there once again thinking of the things that I may have done wrong. I lost my balance. 


A lot of times people don't acknowledge the things that they do, they're so ashamed of them that they try to pretend that they didn't or aren't happening and get comfortable in their mistakes. Me on the other hand, couldn't deal with it. Quite frankly I was disgusted with myself for it. Why do all of these things? There is no point .. Pain can be pacified in so many ways and that isn't one of them. Never should I have to disrespect myself to make myself "feel better" because in the end I'm only hurting myself. 


I had fallen so hard and far into darkness that I was unconsciously doing things to hurt myself. Its almost like I was living my life out of body, and that I was watching myself go through this faze from the outside. When making the decisions I was making, my body was there but my mind was elsewhere, wondering what was going on. It was like going under the knife in surgery and the anesthesia was wearing off, I couldn't feel everything but I was conscious and could see all of the bright lights and the doctor operating on me, I couldn't move my lips or anything I just had to sit there and watch what was going on.. 


Now that I've waken up, and realized the things that have gone on, I've had to ask those around me to be patient, I'm in recovery, repair, under construction. Things get better in time. Those that care totally understood and are there to support me, others left, good riddance. 


When I first started facing reality, I was ashamed, guilty, and regretful. But once I prayed about it and started remembering the things that I learned from the Bible there should never be a point where I feel those things. I had to remember that everything that has taken place is a lesson experience is lifes greatest teacher I can't say that enough and I had to realize that everything that I do, I am being allowed to do. So it has to be for a reason. I don't regret anything because this was the fall that I needed to break the ground so that I could lay the foundation for a new me. I'm only 20, I have a long way to go before I actually have grown into a woman, but this is what I needed, to actually started building myself up. There are so many acts in life, God being the director, me losing my balance was the ending of an act that consisted of me making mistakes, learning lessons and going through a faze that wasn't fitting for my life. Now that that act is over I can start fresh, the stage has been cleared, the set is different and there are new characters some old but a lot have been cut. 


:: Relief :: 
For quite some time I've had this feeling inside of me that was weighing me down and I didn't really know what it was. Looking at it now, it wasn't weight at all, it was Him inside of me telling me that I needed to snap out of this trance I was in and come back to reality. He has been tugging at my heart for quite some time now, and I've been ignoring it because I've been so far gone inside of myself and my pain that I didn't really want to listen to it. (Backwards I know) . I'm definitely blessed because I can hear Him when He's trying to speak to me, He's been trying to get through to me for months now and I've finally hushed all of the noise that has been preventing me from hearing what He had to say. I couldn't listen any harder now. 


:: People :: 
I've never been able to understand how people can be so cruel to one another. I'm such a nice person that I can sometimes be naive, I'm all for positivity and love and it troubles me when I see others that don't have love inside of them. I have came face to face with a lot of dark people, I've been hurt in the process but pain is only temporary. *Shrugs* no use in dwelling on it. You can't control what other people do and how they are, and that is perfectly fine, I'm not going to waste time trying to control it. Once again I've been trying to fit people that I know don't fit, in my life. If something doesn't feel right, then it isn't. Period, point, blank. Everybody Can't Go. And that is so true, I've been surrounding myself around people that aren't on the same page as me, and I've been allowing them to be in my life for too long. 


Something I had to learn is, when it comes to the people that you choose to call your friend, there should never be a point in time that you have to explain yourself to them or try and convince them that they should still be your friend. When things happen, you say your part and they should understand. And when it comes to making friends you should never have to make excuses for any of the people that are in your life, especially if you can control if they're there or not. You should be able to just go throughout the day and know that they're your friend, it should never be a feeling I wonder what is going to happen today. Type thing. NO ONE that you're allowing in your life should EVER take away your joy. Ever. I used to allow it but never again. 


My mom always told me that there are certain things that a "friend" shouldn't do, and once its been done it can't be taken back. For years I let that go in one ear and out of the other, but I will never forget that now. She also told me that my friendship is just as valuable as anyone else's, and if they don't see that, let it go. 


You have to love and respect yourself in order for anyone else to.  


*Sigh* my prince charming will come soon I know it =) haha .. *Random Thought* 


:: Scattegories .. :: 
I changed up my look a tad .. Definitely starting to grow into myself. Which is awesome. // Although I've lost my balance I'm definitely standing back firmly on both feet. They've sank a little in the mud but I'm slowly pulling them out. Just have faith in me and make sure you keep me in your prayers. Keep my name on your lips, when you pray remember this, that I need you to cover me. (That's from 'Cover Me' by 21:03 feat Fred Hammond and Smokie Norful) .. thats one of my favorite gospel songs .. You should listen to it. =) // Still single. && waiting, eff looking, I have horrible luck at picking out good guys. Can't deny that being single right now is somewhat my fault, but not the ENTIRE time lol .. I don't know, things will fall into place in due time. 


I'm not asking for pity either, pity parties are for pansy's lol .. 


Signed, 


SO dope. * 


****


I ont love em .. I ont chase, em I duck em .. 





Wiz's new video for Mezmorized ^_^


****


Ain't nothin changed, still rep the Gang . . .

Clippin' Wings . . .

"I know how to spot a fool cause they never SHUT UP, if you speak it you don't know it, if you know it you don't speak it." - Big Kritt


That may be one of my favorite quotes right now lol seriously. As you can tell from the picture I'm fuggin fed up with the idiocy that has been going on. I've kept my mouth closed enough .. but now I'm opening it . My ears are still closed though . Miss me with the bullshit cause I don't need it . =)  


By no means am I totally grown, and I'm not close to being the wisest person, but I'm most definitely very smart. A lot of situations have fallen in my lap as of late, and to some it may be discouraging, damaging, and just too hard to handle. But I like to take my own spin on things and look at them as stepping stones towards bigger and better things. Everything happens for a reason I can't say and stress that enough. Regardless of how eff'd up something may be, its always best to just approach it with a smile, those that are trying to bring you down hate to see you smile. 


Those eff'd up individuals get their satisfaction from seeing their words get to you, my mother always told me that . For the longest I took that as ok my mom is just telling me to be a punk and not to stand up for myself. But now that I'm older and somewhat wiser, it all makes sense. When people are out to down you, or say eff'd up things about you, they're putting a lot of effort into it. Especially if they're just coming out and saying the shit and they don't know you and you don't think twice about them ever, they have to try hard to get your attention. I absolutely hate ignorant people. Don't get me wrong we all have our moments when we have to step out of character .. but speaking on things that you have no knowledge of is totally ignorant and I hate it. So many people are quick to judge, or just listen to what others say, reliable sources mean nothing now a days and its pitiful. People also like to play the side that has the "feel good" story. Meaning, instead of getting the truth, which may be harsh in some situations, they'll stick to the story that someone close to them has told them. Its comfortable enough for them to believe and deal with whereas the other side of the story that may have been sugar coated or completely left out may be the real spark of electricity to turn the light bulb on in your head, it may hurt just a little, but fuggit, suck it up. There are two sides to EVERY story and most people fail at attempting to get the other half which instantly sets them up for epic fails because they're basically walking into a dark room without a flashlight. Its just like not studying for a final but you're walking in with only the knowledge you have from the teachers review. That never works out well. Or even better, doing a research paper without the research .. 


**Lets work on being bigger people and actually thinking things through, before opening your mouth and speaking on someone or something else (especially if it isn't really your business in the first place) think about it first. Attach your brain to your mouth .. 


I've been running into a lot of people like that lately, and its really starting to blow me. People seem to make it a hobby to lurk around my Twitter, Facebook, and this blog but all for the wrong reasons. They don't want to get to know me, they want to find something on me that they can use as a little spark to fuel their little weak ass fire. One can only sit back and laugh because I mean lil ol' me? People are giving me THAT much attention? Awesome. But its a shame that people will put that much into fuggin hating me besides actually getting to know me. Not to toot my own horn but I think that I'm a pretty cool person, and it wouldn't hurt to give me a try. But hey, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink . 


Anywho all of this is what brought on the title to this post. So many people are running ramped like chickens with their heads cut off, holding scissors in their hands trying to clip my wings! I'm just living life, and making mistakes and learning from them on the way, all in all I'm just trying to spread my wings and fly!! Unlike most people I have grown to notice my imperfections some have been embraced, and some have been put on my "To Do" list but how many people can honestly say that? A lot of people are naive to themselves and live their lives making excuses about the things that they do instead of accepting them and weighing out their options for change! No human on the face of this earth is perfect, but it doesn't hurt to try and be perfect at being imperfect. Don't be blind to the eff'd up things about yourself, magnify those things and work on ways to eliminate them. 


I've said multiple times that I'm prone to fuck ups, a lot of us are, but I definitely take the time to think about what I did and learn from it, ok maybe I shouldn't have done that, Lindsay, DUMB!! && I think about it some more, pray about it even more and move on. Before I move to the next subject I will say this, you can't expect me to know about a situation and I haven't been informed on it. I try my hardest to practice what I preach, if I don't know anything about a situation I don't speak on it, and I keep it moving, I'm not going to snoop and be nosey in someone elses life, what does that make me look like? Ok I know a psycho, a maniac, a loser, a moron etc . . . but the point is thats not me. Bottom line, don't expect me to know something that I wasn't told. Simple as that. All I know is all I know period lol . . . My life and my world is viewed through a different lens than everyone else .. my prescription is custom and only made for me, so I wouldn't expect for everyone to understand where I'm coming from. But everyone has the ability to open up their minds  && try to understand to the best of their ability ..  A closed mind is a wonderful thing to waste . 


:: Atlanta :: 
Dev && I took a trip to Atlanta a few weeks back for a Wiz show (which was a fuggin blast) and after being there we were instantly like slapped in the face. Haha what's wrong with us? Why don't we live here? My cousin/ace Bri'el lives there and she's totally been helping us out. To sum everything up, once everything here at Kentucky State is settled I'm moving on to Georgia State. We turned right back around and went back down there to look for apartments and get to know the city more, and that was a very productive trip. I'm going back this week sometime to hopefully finalize everything with the apartment so we can get up through. I can't wait until we finally get the key to our apartment and move in because life is going to be so wavy from that point on :) . 


I've met so many awesome people during my visits which is very comforting because Atlanta is a humongous place haha I'm definitely blessed to have these people in my life, and I can't wait to meet more people. Thats like my favorite thing to do anyway, so this is going to be great. I feel it. 


It also helps to have my mother behind me supporting my every move, as long as I'm in school she's cool. And that means a lot.


:: Kentucky Blues :: 
I've gone through this before as far as leaving Kentucky, but I've never been so ready to leave. There are no second thoughts in my mind, yes I'm going to miss the select few people here in Kentucky that I still care about, but its only like 4 hours away and I can make that drive easily if its that deep. But I also have to keep this in consideration, um, I'm fuggin moving to ATLANTA people are gonna be taking trips to see me all of the time so I'm not trippin. 


I'm not gonna front there are a lot of things that will be left behind that I'm gonna miss when I finally cross those state lines into Georgia that final time, but there are way more things here that need to be left behind. So its bittersweet. But such is life. Its not fair. *Shrug* 


:: Scattegories ::
*Everything that glitters isn't always gold, and just because it shimmers doesn't mean that its a diamond either! ; I fuggin love that saying .. because its true in so many ways . I'm definitely going to keep my eyes open wider when it comes to some of the people that I allow into my life . I always find myself in this situation, ya'll know I love people and making friends, but there are way more people that just don't care about people and their feelings. You can't find friendship anywhere, my mom always told me, if you leave this life with one friend you're blessed. WOW! People why are you so hateful and untrustworthy? Got damn how do you sleep at night? haha 


*Pictures, do I have pictures? Yea .. but do I feel like uploading them .. NOPE!! Haha!! That takes so long I can't even deal with it right now. 


*Shout out to all of my male friends that have taught me the ways of a guys mind. I've watched so many situations from the guys perspective that I feel like I have a little piece of brain up there that thinks like a guy. Its definitely helped me in a lot of situations, Greg, you've taught me well .. I don't understand everything about guys but I'm very familiar with their ways. Why do they do the things they do? Thats the million dollar question (sometimes, that question can be answered in some cases but most of the time wtf? lol) .. Thats why a lot of times when I get involved with a guy, I can see things that they think I can't . Call me Peep Game Shawty  haha!! 


*Umm in other news, Kush x Orange Juice finally dropped a few weeks ago .. and if you don't have it, you're failing at life. I have it on my playlist so if you haven't listened to it by all means listen away. 


Better yet .. 



Here's the link go download it lol --> http://bit.ly/dcqC6g 

Your welcome . 

*** 

Ok now that I've said my piece, I hope some of you got something out of this .. I'm not out to change lives, I'm just speaking on how I feel about 
certain things .. 

. SO dope *

Here goes a *Classic* =)

Searching for The Thrill of It . . .

Duuuuuuude!!! I know I've been gone forever but I promise I've been thinking about all of my readers, and I've STILL been getting feedback from you all and I REALLY appreciate it!! The last few months have been extremely hectic for me, and I've been going through a lot but I had some free time *not really but I took it anyway* and I decided to update my blog . I have new pictures up but there are still like a GAZILLION that I haven't posted yet lol but this will do for now hopefully . 


This is my first post of 2010 too so I hope that all of you have had a great new year so far, and make it a good one. Last time I checked 2010 was OUR year to shine and make stuff happen so take advantage of that!! =) 


While I was away I've been going through major transformations, many pages have been turned, some volumes have been completely closed, but I'm here! So without further ado let me get this show on the road!!


:: Life ::


Life as I know it is constantly taking a lot of unexpected turns. But lately I’ve been searching for the reasons in these things, and hoping that the results are in my favor. I’m at a point in my life where I’m rebuilding and really working on becoming wise. I had to honestly start from the outside and work my way. I’ve had to come to some pretty eff’d up conclusions about myself but I know that it isn’t anything I can’t work on changing. I can give myself a pat on the back because I’ve been working on things and making new habits BUT I still have a ways to go. I get frustrated with myself at times, especially when I do something and it seems like I’ve been split in half and I’m looking at myself from the outside, I have to get myself together. Things are hard when you have so many forces against you, and sometimes it feels like you’re the only person in the world that feels that way, but from time to time I have to tell myself to sit back and really evaluate some situations, its not that bad, things could be worse!! 

My broad circle of close friends has been closed in to only a very select few and I love it this way. We don’t always necessarily roll deep to places, but we don’t need to because we have each others backs no matter what and at the end of the day thats all that matters. 

It may seem (to me) that some things aren’t going my way, but I truly believe that this is all a part of a HUGE master plan that is going to be awesome. I feel kind of uneasy about it now because it isn’t going my way BUT at the end of the road I feel very excited because I know that great things are in store for me and I can’t wait to see how everything unfolds. I just have to get myself together and learn to help myself in some aspects of my life and I’ll be straight!! 

One of the most awesome things that has recently happened is me meeting the Taylor Gang and ever since then things have been awesome. I promise its crazy how one night can change your entire life for the moment lol. Wiz Khalifa is an awesome person, and he’s one of my favorite people right now. Period. He really knows how to bring a smile to my face, even when I don’t think I have it in me!! Not to mention he’s absolutely fuggin BRILLIANT and his music is the DOPEst!! The rest of the guys Chevy, Breezus, && Will are awesome as well!! The TG Chronicles continue to grow by the month, the next installment is April 8, 2010 in Atlanta can’t wait to see what happens and meet more of the Gang. 

♥ Wiz, Me, Devan, Chevy ♥

♥ Wiz, Me, Devan, Chevy ♥

♥ Me, Chevy, && Devan ♥

♥ Gang, Gang ♥

*If you don’t know who Wiz Khalifa is (you’re missing out) there are a few of my favorite songs by him on my playlist listen to some of those. Go get his mixtapes!! They aren’t hard to find. How Fly (Curren$y && Wiz Khalifa), Flight School, Burn After Rolling (aka the B.A.R. Mixtape) .. Coming soon Kush x Orange Juice be on the lookout for that. 

Go get his album on iTunes Deal or No Deal!! 

You can also find him on Twitter ((twitter.com/RealWizKhalifa)) YouTube ((youtube.com/taylorgangent)) && Myspace ((myspace.com/WizKhalifa)) GO CHECK HIM OUT!! 

Taylor Gang or Get Have'd lol

Yup, Told You He's Awesome ^_^

&& Not to mention he's in the XXL 10 Freshmen for '10 =)

:: Love :: 

Tina said it the best what’s love got to do with it..? Like seriously, thats a real ass question. For a second I thought I was in love but it took me snapping back to reality and really surveying the scene, when something in the milk isn’t right, then pour that shit out and start over!! Get another cup haha. Needless to say the latest relationship was an EPIC fail .. I’m not even gonna get into the weak ass details but just know that it was some baby back bs haha!! I definitely learned my lesson with that one. Other than that minor speed bump (ha ha) nothing has changed. Still kickin’ it! 

Who else? Oh, Brandon and I haven’t talked since I don’t know HOW long. I’m not gonna lie sometimes I miss him a lot, but when it comes to that situation, it was a blessing and a curse all at the same time, I learned a valuable lesson with that one as well and its made me a lot smarter so you can never go wrong with that. However, besides the bs, Brandon was definitely one of the most awesome people I’ve met, and I doubt that I’ll run across someone else like him again. He was definitely a favorite of mine, but you can’t control how other people act so it is what it is. He didn’t come back to Kentucky, he’s back in California so I’m probably never going to see him again *insert slightly sad face* but I honestly think it was for the best and that things were meant to happen that way. I wish him the best. It’s still L O V E!! Always!! 

In other news lol there is a 3 year anniversary coming up for me and a certain someone. We’ve been tangled in this web of whatever we have for each other for 3 years on April 1st smh who would’ve thought we’d still be wreaking havoc in each others lives this far down the road? I sure as hell didn’t but I can’t complain. Even though he’s a douche lord I can’t help but admit that my life wouldn’t be the same without him. Some of you know who I’m talking about others don’t. But know he’s definitely special to me and he’s the bomb. *When he wants to be* haha!!

:: Family :: 

*Sigh* The most ‘secure’ part of my life is sadly the most unstable right now. I don’t know if you guys remember me talking about my grandfather being sick with lung cancer, well he passed away on February 15, and it has definitely been hard for my family and myself.  It’s almost like as soon as I get my head above water, something comes and pushes it right back under. I haven’t even scratched the surface again, I’m still in over my head, but I’m working on it.  It just kills me to see the ones that I love hurting! We’re doing better now, but his absence still stings all of our hearts.  It’s like the glue that kept us together isn’t there, and we’re falling apart! 

When I went home for his funeral, it was like a lot of things were just dumped on top of me and I was forced to deal with a lot in a short amount of time. Quite frankly it sucks, but its all apart of life and being an adult so I have to suck it up and learn to deal with things. 

Either way, I need all of your prayers and love sent up for me, I really appreciate it!! 

:: Cool Stuff, I Guess :: 

Ok sorry about the downer, but hey, what can I say, it needed to be included!! I guess I can try and make up for it with some cool stuff?? I don’t know lol.

My best friends Devan, Brittney, Angie, && I have came up with an entertainment group that we call Dream House Ent. (cue the balloons, streamers, and confetti n shit like that lol) and we’re pretty much slowly but surely taking over the world. We haven’t really started doing the things that we’ve planned because of school, but we’ve definitely been networking and more people are starting to know us!! Our motto is “Live LARGE, Dream BIG, Dream House Entertainment, Come Live Your Dreams Through Us” (cool shit right?) and we’re basically aiming towards making people laugh and keeping people entertained. We’re all pretty good at it because I think something is mentally wrong with all of us lol (in a good way) so once we really start getting things off of the ground we’ll be everywhere!! It’s a lot of people that love us but there are a lot of people that HATE us lol but whatever thats life!! 

Brittney, Devan, && Me (Angie took the Pic)

Some other cool shit thats going on that I have to address is Friend of Failure Clothing Co. ( F*ckin Up Since 2009) Its Not a Style its a Lifestyle . Its a new clothing line thats out right now and its pretty much the shit!! It’s taking over!! It’s basically outfitting the entire Kentucky State University campus and its spreading throughout other surrounding states! Congratulations to Dre, Jeff, Greg, Bean, Kris, && Shelton for getting it off of the ground, you guys are the shit and I have NOTHING but love and faith in you guys, I support you with everything I have, FOF to the Death ya’ll!! *Muah* Be on the lookout for their stuff seriously!! =) 

I Support Friend of Failure!!

:: All Love :: 

Thanks to everyone who has hit me up on Twitter asking me to update my blog, and telling me how much they like it!! I really appreciate it, like I said before, when I first started this blog I didn't think anyone was going to read it for real lol but they doo and it really gets me excited!! If you want to get in contact with me here's all of my stuff.. 

Twitter : twitter.com/ClassyFreshCool

Facebook : facebook.com/SoDopeLCS

Email : flutenpiccluv11@yahoo.com (thats my direct email it goes straight to my iPhone) 

Skype : PICturePerfect0902

AIM/iChat : Emancipated4mluv 

Hit me up!! Talk to me! If there's something you want me to write about just hit me on one of those and I'll get back to you ASAP! 

Ok here go some new pictures!! 

Devan && Me

Me, Timmy, Devan . ♥ This One

Just Me lol 

Me && Brittney!! 

Ok that's all for now. 

Signed. 

SO dope. * 

Wiz's XXL Freestyle

Wiz Performing 'This Plane' from Deal or No Deal in Lousiville, KY .. Who's that behind him?? LOL

Ok Ya'll know I have to share the laughs .. Babyyyy && I really wanna love yoooooou!!

Everybody Can't Go...

I know I've been gone for a while, forgive me, but honestly this has been an extremely hectic semester for me. It hasn't been the best but I'm learning to look for the light at the end of the tunnel or the blessing in the storm whatever I'm looking for it!! 


You guys know that Bible study is always my motivation for blogs, I've been going all semester and I've been learning more about myself and God of course throughout this time. And I'm very grateful!! 


[*Growing in Christ*]
I'm pleased to say that my growth in God has grown tremendously and that really is a great thing because I can see the differences. By no means am I perfect but just the simplicity of being able to distinguish between right and wrong is huge because it really stands out more to me now. And unlike any other times I'm actually overwhelmed with a desire to get better and become closer to God. Like lets be honest everyone has that period in their life where its like, "I need to get right with God because I don't want to go hell .." blah blah blah (well not everyone) but those that are God fearing have those fazes, but it's so much more than just not wanting to go hell, that should be a factor yes, but you should just want to be closer to God. If you read the Bible He promises so many great things, and the only thing that we have to do is do right by Him... thats it!! So I've been working on it, and I've been falling short like anyone else would but the things that I've been falling short in, are things that I could control.. Like drinking, partying, cursing, sex, all of those things that can easily be eliminated out of my life. It's to the point where when I participate in any of these things I feel a sense of conviction where I know its wrong and I have no choice but to repent or else it'll drive me nuts. 


BG said in Bible study that being in a relationship with God, is like a marriage.. there are certain things that you can't do, can't say, certain places that you can't go.. just put yourself in situations that you know will jeopardize your relationship with God. He also said that when I'm doing things over and over like continuing to party and stuff thats just like cheating on the person that you're with, over and over, but asking for forgiveness and saying that you love them, that was powerful .. I have to start thinking of my relationship with God like I would with any other relationship, why should He be treated any different? 


Ok so the song that I have playing is basically my motto on life right now, everybody can't go. And I know I've blogged about this before, eliminating people out of my life that aren't going to add to me, they're only going to subtract, so I'm definitely cutting that out!! I will admit that I've been keeping some certain individuals around against my better judgement, and I've been praying about it and finally God has shown me CLEAR AS DAY that I need to eliminate them and I'm definitely going to continue to pray on that. It's like every time I try to fit people in that I KNOW shouldn't be there it always ends in disaster, and its like, what is the point of me constantly doing this to myself? Giving up things of the world will only show Him that I'm making steps towards Him and He will constantly bless me!! Speaking of blessings!! 


[*Blessings...*] 
At the same time He's blessed me with someone who is amazing and who is REALLY helping me.. his name is Loren, and out of all of the times when I've met someone its always been the same but this time its different. I had sat down and had a conversation with BG about relationships and he told me that if I prayed and truly believed in what I was asking for then God would send me the man that He made for me. It may be too early to say but oh well, I honestly believe that he's the one. Everyday he shows me in different ways how he's the one for me and I'm definitely happy. So I'm thankful for that!! I will continue to thank God for that, and continue to pray for our relationship because we are both growing in Christ together and its a beautiful thing!! =) 


[*School Daze...*] 
Dude I'm SO SICK of school its ridiculous. But I've been praying and staying motivated and putting a lot of faith in God because Lord knows I need to lol .. There have been so many times where I've just wanted to give up!! I'm not even gonna front, I've been slippin' on everything lately and letting things suck me in, but I'm going to live my life by this song, lol and word, and start praying. When God calls I'm going to answer, and just pray when I need to. I honestly believe that everything will be ok, what's the point of me worrying when God is the head of my life and I know that He has my back? Nothing is greater than Him, and He won't put anything on me that I can't bear.. no weapon formed against me shall prosper. I have to remember that for sure!!!!!!!! 


I feel better .. =) 


Another thing that I've gotten really good at is, finding blessings in the storm... that's SO powerful and everyone should do it for real. Because it helps put things in a different perspective! 


Take a second and listen to the song it'll probably make you think twice about some things. 


SO dope. *


HILARIOUS!!