I'm Stumped!!

Please forgive me .. but I'm so confused right now. 


[*Family Ties?*]
Aight so as far as my family goes, I love them, but they have been doing me so shady lately. They've been keeping hella shit from me and at first it hurt my feelings, but they want to get mad at me for the outcome of things but they could've been totally different if they would've let me in on the info in the first place! I know I'm the baby of the family but at the same time I'm 20 f'n years old now!! So why are they making it a point to keep shit from me? Trying to protect me, I'm not 8 anymore.. Let me know what's going on WHEN it's happening, not after the fact .. UGH!! Ok I'm done talking about that .. 


The confusion gets worse .. 


[*I'm Stumped..*] 
Those that have been keeping up with my blog posts, know about the whole situation with Brandon and I. So you guys know how he basically broke up with me and told me that what he told me over the summer was him being caught up in the moment and that he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. We talked another time and he told me that he doesn't want anything between us to be intimate, he just wanted us to be friends. I talked to him again and he told me that he doesn't want to be in a relationship because he doesn't want to deal with the stress. Ok so I was hurt for the longest, but I slowly started to give up on us getting back together because he was basically telling me that this melancholy mood that he was in was going to endure throughout his time in Kentucky. Ok. 


I kept his best interest at heart and waited on Brandon, I waited for him to finally come around, still do. But at the same time, if what he was saying was really how he felt then I was going to still do me and talk to others.. I mean we aren't together, us getting back together wasn't even in discussion .. so what's the big deal? 


He's mad at me because he asked me questions about what I had been doing this semester, we haven't been together at all this semester so why does it matter? You don't want to be with me, so why are you trippin' on what I'm doing while we aren't together? 


For a second I was feeling all bad, but its not like I cheated on him or anything we weren't together!! So he's all in this mood like, don't talk to me, I don't want to talk to you.. I'm not a mind reader, I've had conversations with him on numerous occasions trying to see where he stood when it came to us being together and us getting together was out of the question. Brandon has always held the key to my heart, and I will always be ready for him but in the meantime..  if I decide to kick it with someone else, I have the right to do that because we aren't together. But he's still trippin.. I don't get it. 


Don't get me wrong I hope that he comes around and that everything between us will be fine in the end, I've been praying for that, but he isn't being rational and fair at all. I can see if he has said something to me about being with me or even expressing his feelings toward me but I've gotten none of that!! 


I'm totally confused... 


That's why I'm convinced that guys are just as or even more dramatic and emotional than girls.. Cause that's just crazy. Him being upset is totally understandable because if you like someone and you hear about them kickin' it with someone else of course you're going to be upset but I mean come on... To hold it against me is taking it to the extreme.  


Whatever happens I hope that he comes around and that I can have my B. McQueen back because that's my love ... 


[*Sloppy Love Jingle..*] 

As you can see over here << there's a picture of Travis McCoy lead singer of Gym Class Heroes. Dude I'm so in love with this man .. I mean LOOK at him, doesn't he look like my type? ::sigh:: he's so dreamy, I'm following him on Twitter and he's so funny and he's just the bomb. I'm also even MORE in love with his heart, he's a part of the Stay Alive movement he went to South Africa and did some charity work and helped out a lot of people over there. He loves helping others and that's so freakin' sexy. Thats what sets him a part from a lot of the other artists out there, they make music and they might donate but that's as far as their humanitarian work goes. He on the other hand, took it into his own hands and went himself.. WOW!! 


Plus look at all of those tattoo's .. Ya know I love those .. 


He's so talented in many ways and that's so sexy to me, he can write, rap, draw, all of that!! 


So I'm calling out to you, my subscribers and readers ALL OF YOU OUT THERE .. ANYONE THAT CAN HEAR ME!! If you could do me the biggest favor of all time .. PLEASE let Travie know that I am in love with him and that I am more than willing to do whatever it is that he wants me to so that I can be his girl lol. We don't even have to be official but if I could be on his arm from time to time and spend time with him (and Stitch his puppy lol) I'd love that. He seems like he's a fun individual and that the two of us would hit it off. I mean besides, him and Katy Perry hit it off, so I figure I have a chance too .. she kissed a girl and liked it .. if that's what he's into I'll go into Young Money mode and be on my Every Girl swag for him lol .. well not every girl but you get the point. 


Please spread the word. Let him know I LOVE HIM!! Not because he's the lead singer of Gym Class Heroes but because he's awesome. Let him know please!! =) 


[*Homecoming*] 
Dude I'm so glad that's over with lol .. now we only have ONE game left and the season is over which means that I'll have free time to hopefully start making money. =) We'll see .. 


SO dope. * 





The 2nd name is the funniest one LMAO!!

&& I'm Better =)

[*Easier Done than Said*]
I've been gone for a while but I'm back ya'll!! Surprisingly things have been easier than I thought. In the beginning I thought that this was going to be one of the hardest things that I've ever done, but it's been very easy actually. I've been praying for motivation and strength to stay true to myself, by not talking to him. I totally cut off all communication with him and haven't talked to him since the day I told him that I didn't want to be his friend and I wanted to end all communication between us. Things have been smooth sailing since then. It really took me having to really sit back and realize that I was allowing myself to sit around and be sad, and what sense does that make? It's so crazy how much someone can grow in a matter of weeks! It hasn't been that long, but I've grown so much.. From time to time we end up being around each other and I will admit it gets hard not to laugh at the silly things that he does but, I hold my ground and manage to stay cool and ignore his presence haha!! 


I've realized that if someone doesn't fit, don't force it, and that's what I've been doing lately (trying to force things) and it's so not worth it. Love makes you do some crazy things, but your love for yourself can make you do things that will help you get out of what your love for someone else has put you in. It's taken so long for me to finally be able to say that I haven't thought about him, now don't get me wrong, sometimes I worry about him and wonder if he's doing alright, but that's been it, it's not like I sit and think about how much I miss him because I don't haha and it feels great to say that. 


[*Kickin' It..*]
Brandon and I hung out twice this weekend, and it felt good to be around him again. Whatever this is, a friendship whatever, I'm happy that we're sharing it together. Even though he doesn't want to have a relationship or anything like that right now, I can appreciate the time that we spend together regardless, because I have love for him and always will. Hopefully one of these days he'll come around ::shrugs:: who knows, but at least we're getting along! I'd rather have something than nothing at all. 


[*On to Other Things...*]
Band season is almost over! This season went by so fast!! OMG!! But I'm not trippin, I'm ready for it to be over with, I haven't had time do anything. Homecoming started today shoot me for normal people this week is supposed to be action packed and one of the best weeks of the year, WRONG!! For the band it means that the alumni are coming back and we're going to be busy learning a new field show, and all kind of madness. The good thing is, my mom will be in town on Friday so I'm happy cause I miss her and it's going to be good to see her, not to mention when she leaves, she's going to take all of this extra stuff home with her haha!! 


Well that's really it. I wish I had more to say but I don't :-x I just decided that I'd give you an update since my last one was written when I was in the middle of one of my emotional breakdowns and I don't want that to be the first thing that someone sees when they come to my blog. I haven't felt like that since that day. WOOO GO ME! lol 


Have you been staying positive? I've definitely been trying, and it helps!! Keep smiling!! 


SO dope. *