She's Aliiiiiiive!!!

Ok go ahead and scold me ::hangs head:: I've definitely been away for a while and I'm SO sorry but I've been out of my element kind of lately. Not in a bad way, but I've been out of town .. Right now I'm in Kentucky visiting my MMT (Band) family. I've been here since last weekend and I've been on some hardcore kick it shit lol so please forgive me for my absence.

The other night on Twitter I asked my followers if there was a topic that they wanted me to cover and two of the suggestions that I liked were getting caught up word to my boo Paris she's a fellow blogger, I'll post the link to her blog at the bottom. And the other one was eBeef, eThugs, ePersona's all as one topic. I like that one too. I'm going to make sure that I do those topics because they sound interesting, I'd like to wrap my mind around them and see what I come up with. I promise ya'll sometimes when I start writing a post they aren't planned, my mind works so mysteriously so I can be thinking about strawberry shortcake (the actual dessert) and arrive at something totally different lol. But we'll see. I figured since I've been away for so long I'd give you guys an update on whats been going on with me instead of going ham on a topic lol.

[*Torn .. Again .. SHOOT ME!!*]

Like I said I've been in Kentucky in this week, it's been a bittersweet visit, of course my friends here are finding the words to say to try and change my mind about transferring, ok *sigh* I'll admit it has been working but I haven't verified anything yet. I'm a mess huh? I know lol. My band director has been playing a huge part in trying to get me to come back, he's offering scholarship money which is definitely a good reason to come back because I'm not getting scholarship money at TSU, and I barely get financial aid because apparently my mom makes "too much money" so they give me chump change. Which isn't really helping because its like 28 stacks to go to TSU .. O_O I know hella expensive huh? But I'm staying here until Monday night so hopefully, Mr. Bailey (band director) will have a contract to sign because he's good for saying he's going to do something and then it doesn't fall through smh that man. But hey who knows. Plus my boo is going to be here on Friday yessssssssssssss I'm so excited. The thing about K State is there is like no housing, so if I come here I'd have to get an apartment which is fine, but me I'm high maintenance and I'm not going to live just anywhere I'm the type of chick to live in a loft, or a condo or something lol .. You won't catch me in no ones raggedy ass apartment with tile floors, so that's just more shit to deal with. I had mentioned that whole thing to Brandon just throwing it on the table of course its something that needs to be discussed in depth but it's always good to throw things out there lol. Anyway, I'm super excited about seeing him, I started the countdown last week :) and I've been dreaming about the moment since then so yea, can't wait!!

[*My Ears Are Itchin' I Hear Ya Talkin.. SMH*]

Other than the normal school bs, I've been coo, nothing big .. I broke my camera today FML :-/ so that means that I have to get another one before the 28th .. (America's Most Wanted Tour) cause I NEED to take pics. If my boo is reading this a new camera would be an awesome birthday gift *cough* I'm just sayin *cough* ;) haha!! The other night some of the band fam was drinking and sitting around on some extra sentimental shit and we had a heart to heart and telling each other what we like and don't like about people. Everyone had the same thing to say, "When I first met you people were saying a lot of bad things about you, but once I got to know you, you're like the coolest person and I don't know why people would say those things cause they aren't true." And that really goes to show that I am truly hated all of the time. I've only been down here for a week and people have already been all up in my business when it comes to Brandon, and someone even made it a point to go up to my ex and tell him that I was in Frankfort (cause I sure didn't tell him) and they said, damn what you been doing to Lindsay, she's gained like 10 pounds, all ass. Oh em gee!! (-_______-) you gotta be kidding me right? SMH I tell you, people here in Frankfort need a hobby because its sickening how many people try to put Lindsay 101 on their schedule!! BACK OFF! lol See if I walked around flickin' everyone off then I'd be a bitch lol but that's honestly how I feel when I'm here. LOL GOTTA PACK UP!

[*Pat on the Back*]

I've also realized that my ex is my ex for a reason, it's super random but during one of my drunken nights last week I sat and thought about him for like 20 minutes and I've came to the conclusion that he's a complete idiot! Seriously, when I think about during the time that we were still on some boo'd up shit but not together, I was basically doing anything in my power to make efforts to make things work between us. But I had to realize that it takes two. He always had something that he was concerned about (9x's out of 10 it was some bullshit that he had made up in his head or something that he's heard) or something he was trippin over .. either way it was always SOMETHING. And his whole family was on my side, his mother, (love her by the way) used to talk to me all of the time about him, and she would tell me not to give up and I wouldn't but I was so glad when I finally reached that point where I was thinking there's only so much that I can do. And I threw the towel in. But since I'm still very close with his family I notice more things that make me proud of myself for making that decision of just leaving him alone. Nothing but a headache. SMH ..

[*I Hate This Part..*]

Things are about to start getting real and I don't know if I'm ready for it. As you all know my grandfather was diagnosed with lung cancer like last month, and I've been doing a good job of trying to stay positive and not letting it get to me, but then I have to realize that the more time passes the closer we get to the part that I've been dreading ever since my grandmothers death. I'm not gonna dwell on this subject long because I'm not trying to be all tore up, but it was rough enough that my children and husband (whoever that may be) will never meet my grandmother but my grandfather too? That's some heavy shit! Especially since I had always dreamed of my grandfather being the one to give me away at my wedding because he's basically been my father my whole life. *Sigh* just pray for me ya'll.

***

Speaking of prayer, now that I'm here in Kentucky I can go and see my Bible study teacher Brother Gill on Monday. Yesssssss cause Lord knows I need to talk to him. He always knows the right things to say, he's always been the person to give me AMAZING advice and guidance, so now I have to focus on remembering to call him lol. GOOD LUCK!!

Ok well I'm not going to ramble on for too much longer .. Just a little update. I'll do a topic blog next time, within the next few days hopefully. Bear with me, its back to school time lol.

Before I forget, make sure you go check out my boo's blog!! : http://avixensthoughts.blogspot.com =)

SO dope. *

Aight shower me with *Late Passes if you please but when I first found this video I promise to ya'll I cried. SMH I miss him!!! (P.S. this is totally off topic lol but if there are a lot of typo's forgive me it's currently like 7:00 am and I haven't been to sleep lol I'll edit tomorrow!!)

Stop Snoopin' !!

This is soooo off topic but I just want to address this, last night Brandon told me that he was over my blog because he doesn't like some of the things that I put on here .. Well!! I mean it's not that bad =) at the end of the day you're still my boo thang && I'll always scream I love my B. McQueen so loosen up a little love!!

Ok I had to say that because when he told me that I was crackin up inside like OMG! But I most definitely see where he's coming from and I can't blame him but he can't be over it though, that's a bit extreme!!

.......

[*Lemme Set It Up*]

Now back to business!! I must say that I've been blessed with a lot of female friends in my life, some are still here, and some have gone but none the less I've learned something from everyone. It doesn't have to be life changing things but I've learned something!! I'm also blessed to have male friends as well. Ladies it's always good to have a circle of guy friends that have your back because it helps a lot in sooo many situations!! Like I've said a million times, I'm an extremely observant person, so whenever my friends come to me for advice I always observe the situations that they are in and try to get something out of it! Now lately I've been noticing a lot of problems in my friends relationships, and it seems to me that all of them are suffering from the same problem, trust. I'm a firm believer in if there's no trust, there's no relationship. And that's why I have learned to trust before I take the step into being in a relationship with someone.

I'm not saying that every time I've been in a relationship I've trusted the person 100% but I haven't taken my distrust to some of the extreme's that a lot of girls do. Even though girls are more likely to commit these offenses, guys you aren't fully off of the hook cause you guys are capable of doing it too. Now that I've put that on the table, Imma go into the topic of discussion.

[*Why Do It?*]

I think that snooping is the dumbest thing EVER. What is snooping? Snooping is basically being nosey for no apparent reason, going through text messages, twitters, facebooks, WHATEVER. It's dumb so stop! So many of my friends have called me crying because they've found something and now their feelings are hurt, I never feel sorry for them because if they were looking for something hell, they should be happy cause they found something, don't try to get all sensitive because you found some shit that you don't like. I mean seriously, if you go snooping through shit what do you want to find? A whole bunch of messages about how much they love you? Yea it would be nice but what are the odds? Slim to none! Here's my thing; if you feel like you should look for something then why are you with them? What is the point of staying with someone if you have to constantly check and see what they're doing? Everyone knows the saying what they don't know won't hurt em yea ok its fucked up but its true. This is where that golden word trust comes in to play. You need to learn how to trust!! Shit happens if someone makes a mistake it isn't the end of the world, now don't get me wrong by no means am I condoning infidelity or things of that nature, but no one is perfect! What people need to do is just flow, go through the motions, quit being so uptight all of the damn time. It makes me so mad when I find out about someone snooping. It's so childish and dumb so stop lol UGH!!

[*The Nerve!!*]

Another thing, I hate when they find something and then have the audacity to try and bring it up. Like I can't help but think, how does that make someone feel when they're talking to their sigster (significant other) and they're like, yea so I was going through your shit today and I found some things and I want to talk about em ... Yeaaaa that would get the side eye from me. Are you serious? The first topic of discussion is, why in the HELL were you going through my shit? WTF!! Forget what you find I wanna know why in the hell you're all up in my stuff! I feel like if you aren't married to someone or engaged then you don't have the right to go through shit. The only reason why being married is an exception is because once you become joined in holy matrimony you're basically giving up the I's for us and there is no privacy lol. Anyway, that really urks me when I hear about my friends doing that! So you go snooping and then had the nerve to tell them about it? PLEASE get your life together and GROW UP!!

[*Time to Perform a Chin Check*]

If you feel the need to snoop the issue isn't whatever it is that you're looking for it's what you got going on and why you feel like you should be doing that. Before you start snooping and pointing fingers you need to do a chin check ie. taking a timeout and thinking about what YOU are doing and/or what your problem is. A lot of people have trust issues but honestly going through stuff is the last thing you need to be doing when taking steps towards building trust for someone. Now I do know some people that are like, yea you can go through my shit cause I'm not doing anything ok when you get the "ok go" then do it, but don't just don't do it on your own. It makes you look VERY stalkerish and crazy. (Get mad)

[*Talk It Out*]

If there's something that is bothering you, why don't you just pull them to the side and ask them about it!! If you're in a relationship where you can't even ask a question then something is horribly wrong and you have bigger things to worry about. Basically all I'm saying is, quit being nosey and trying to snoop!! If what they're doing is that bad then leave em alone. A lot of times people let their insecurities get in the way of trusting their sigster. I'll admit I've had problems like this too because lets face it, no one wants to be cheated on, and no one wants to be replaced. But once again, you have to remember that if it was meant for you and that person to be together than you would be together. So if you find that your sigster has been talking to another attractive individual don't freak out and turn into a wack job and start making accusations, that's the worst thing someone can do in a relationship. Don't accuse, ask. Stop letting your insecurities get in the way of your happiness and your trust for someone else. A relationship is about the people in it but it's also about you. You can't work things out with your sigster until you can sit down and see what you are doing. People tend to say you you you when they need to be sitting back and wondering what they have going on with their damn self. Don't get too wrapped up in pointing the finger, look at yourself first. Oh yea and once again, STOP SNOOPIN!!

Ok I'm glad I got that off of my chest because it was brought up today and I really got mad ya'll lol I had to blog about it!

This video kinda makes me feel bad lmao but at the same time it's hilarious!!!! Bahahahaha enjoy =) ..

SO dope. *

Happy Monday!!!

Happy Monday guys =) !!!

I really don't have a specific topic for today's blog but I have a lot of stuff on my brain, I'm currently suffering from scattegories again!! *Sigh* Guess I'll just let my fingers type and roll with it!!

[*I Have to Say This!!*]

In my last written post I was kind of in a bad mood and was kind of sour when it came to my relationship. I'll admit it happens to the best of us, when you get upset and you say things that you don't mean, but you can't blame me I was on a bad emotional roller coaster ride. Girls experience that from time to time about things in their lives so I'm apologizing to my boo :). We talked and I realized that it wasn't a bad decision for me to trust him in the first place so I'm happy with him, and I can't wait to see what the future holds for us. Even though right now it's kind of unclear what's in store for us I'm more than willing to find out. As usual I'll say I love my B. McQueen. He had to scold me a little and set me straight (lol, a little tough love never hurt anyone) but it's all love with us and that feels good.

[*Birthday Girl*]

As you know it was my birthday on Friday and it was awesome! I didn't go all out and do anything extravagant but I actually liked it that way, I just had a birthday dinner at Houlihan's and had a nice little turnout, the people that really held importance with me showed up so that's all that matters. Surprisingly I didn't go out at all but I'm pleased with the outcome of my bday weekend. I got a lot of me time which is always good. So yay happy birthday to me :) Oh yea!! Pics from my bday are in the It's A Photoshoot section!!

[*Droppin' Knowledge (In Reference to My Vlog)*]

Here's a little reinforcement for The SPM!! I hope you guys haven't forgotten to smiiile :) !! I guess this is my testimony? Haha something like it whatever!!

I have experienced a considerable amount of growth this summer and I'm so excited! I've had to learn some things the hard way but I have no regrets at all. The SPM has been one of the best things that I could've came up with because it has really helped me see things in a different light. That being said, I've came to realize that once you start growing and making changes to better yourself, it's almost like you're form is changing and other things in your life just don't fit anymore.

Let me explain.

Sometimes it takes having to spend time alone to have an epiphany that some things aren't the best in your life and you need to change it. It might be different for you but that's all it took for me, when you're alone you have a lot of time to think and observe things, rather they be good or bad, they tend to get a lot of your attention. Well for the first part of my summer I was dwelling in negativity and I was always worried about things (some of you might remember) and it was literally taking pieces out of me everyday and ultimately I was unhappy and that's not cool! When I got fed up of being sad all of the time, I had to sit back and remember that positivity is the key. Remember that.

When trying to stay positive it's more than just making personal changes, it also has a lot to do with your surroundings. Who you hang out with, and where, is very important. Once you start changing those things you'll notice that a lot of the things that you used to do really don't rock with you anymore and some of the people you used to hang out with you no longer mesh with. I've had to let someone go because they brought a lot of drama and negativity to my life that was unnecessary, even though this person was very close to me, they were holding me back from fully reaching my potential. I know there will be more people to come but sometimes the ones that you're around the most are the ones that tend to have an influence on your decision making and your mood. That's why it's so important that you just sit back and take a survey of your surroundings.

I despise people that constantly have a problem with someone, or they're upset about something all of the time. Just being negative! I used to be like that all of the time but I mean for what? What's the point? You're getting nothing out of it in the end so why waste energy?

Walking around being negative is like walking around with a million pieces of luggage hanging from you, it weighs you down and slows you down from getting to your destination, whatever that may be, so start by trying to take a little piece off at a time and things will be better for you.

[*ANYWHO*]

Now that we got that out of the way, it's about that time for me to start getting ready to go back to school. And I'm so excited!! I'm ready to experience the new scenery and make new friends. :) My last day at work is Friday and that leaves me I think like 2 weeks of down time, I'm really going to strive towards going to California to see Brandon. If he does decide to go back to K State I can see him there all of the time but I really want to get away from Indianapolis for a little while and spend time with my boo, so we'll see how that works out.

I got bored at work today and I found this website where you can like morph faces together and see what your baby might look like well I did one for Brandon && I and she turned out cute!! lol it's almost realisitic kind of. I think she would've came out better if our heads weren't cocked to the side in the pictures I used but they were the only ones that would've even remotely at the time lol. Oh well it still turned out cool. You should try it!

SO dope.*

This had me in TEARS!! *THROWBACK COMMERICAL* Vacation time! ::Insert Big Smile:: Word to Malcy Malc aka @DjProblemChild (Twitter) for sending it to me =)

I'd love to hear from you guys, feel free to share your "testimonies" as well!!!