The weekend is over. The Gateway Classic was fun as always. Nothing big happened worth talking about but this weekend has really brought a lot of stuff to my attention. Randomly, while driving home I got this rush of emotions, it was almost overwhelming, they weren't bad emotions, all of these thoughts popped up in my head and I realized that the best thing for me to do is to completely liberate myself from love. Some people might say that it's a bit drastic for me to do such thing, but I feel really good about it.
Don't get me wrong, love is beautiful and it's a great thing to have but after a while it has a tendency to become unhealthy love and it starts to weigh you down like chains or something. Right now I have several layers of chains that I need to break away from, I'm motivated and ready to take the first steps. I'm not saying that it'll be easy, of course not, but I'm not trying to go through anymore days feeling the way that I've been feeling!! This post is so random but I HAD to share it with SOMEONE!! I had to get it off of my chest. I've been walking around with all of this pain in my heart and sorrow in my eyes and I'm through with that. There are plenty of people out there that are more than willing to love me, but right now I think I need to work on loving myself. Not in the conceded way lol but I need to start realizing my worth. I've gotten so accustomed to always having someone because of my fear of being alone that I might've lost sight of my worth.. My mother has always told me that I am worth all of the stars in the sky and the moon combined and I think that I've forgotten that! There's an old saying that says, you have to learn to love yourself before you love someone else, and I'm starting RIGHT NOW.
Another thing is, since I've always been so avid at having someone in my life I haven't been able to bounce back from past situations so I keep trying to build something new on a broken foundation and that never works. I'm not settling either, if I have any questions about someone it's not worth it, the next person that I allow in my life has to be special and they have to know my worth as well. ::sigh:: I'm so ready for school on Monday because I am going to walk around K State's campus with my head held high and with a glow on my face that is going to shine so bright that people would have to look twice. And if I see him I'm just going to smile and keep moving, kill 'em with kindness . . .
I'm going to sleep in tomorrow, and clean up my house, study, and spend some time with Lindsay. I can't wait! =)
SO dope. *
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You know what we all go through the scenario of dependency and having someone around even when it's not right, and I do agree you should take the time to be alone for a while and just really understand your worth and everything that makes you special, because it makes it easier to weed out those who really care about you and those who are running games and manipulating people's esteem. You'll be alright though, just be strong and let God help you with this one.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much =) .. Just keep me in your prayers cause I definitely need it!!
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