It's My Birthday && I'll Vlog If I Want To!!

So it's my birthday and I'll do what I want!! I decided to record my first VLOG!! && I hope you like it. Yesterday was a pretty pissy day for me and I kind of went on a rant. But it happens to the best of us. Don't you fret though lol I'm getting back on track with The SPM!!

SO dope. *

Yea I Said It. GET MAD!

Aight forgive me, I've been missing in action I'm not gonna give any excuses or anything like that, I'm here that's all that matters!!! But I'm kind of in a I DON'T GIVE A FUCK mode (excuse my French) right now so if I say something that makes you mad, SORRY but not really . =) I'm tired of holding my tongue ::Steve Harvey Voice:: Muthafucka fo what? It's MY blog I should be able to say whatever the hell I want to. And I am!

[*First Things First*]

My best friend (the one that moved to Texas) is back in town for my friend Jasmine's wedding (we'll get to that in a minute smh) so I'm super stoked about that!! So I'm sitting here talking to her about the whole situation with Brandon, and she calls her husband (who just so happens to be my cousin) down to listen as well. So I run the whole situation by him and he immediately tells me he's cheating. I've been sugar coating this for a while but I've been suspecting it! Totally! So, hearing him say that just confirmed my intuition. I have been having the feeling like he's cheating I know he is. But since I was trying to mature in this relationship I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and trust him! Come on now the proof is in the pudding!! He used to call every night and now he barely even sends me a txt, he did all of this talking about how romantic he is but have I received ANYTHING from him? NOPE! He even has my address!! Soo wtf? Remember I told ya'll what he told me, I'm busy, I'm working full time, I'm coaching, I'm working out and I'm tired when I get home . Aight all of that sounded good at the moment but right now that shit isn't rocking with me. The thing that Stephan said to me that really sealed the deal was this, it shouldn't matter how busy you are, if you really love and care about a person you would do anything to make sure that you talk to them, I worked 13 hours a day in Iraq and did missions that put my life at risk and I still made it a point to call Tonnica. So then I thought, if he can call Tonnica everyday from fucking IRAQ while he's in combat, Brandon can call me from California. I've always thought that but after hearing the guys point of view it's kind of solidified that. So right now I'm kind of like aight Friday is my birthday, if he doesn't do something spectacular, (he has my address so I'm waiting) I'm chuckin the deuces. As advanced as the world is today, he could've figured out something for my birthday, something but I'm not holding my breath. To be 100% honest I'm not even expecting a phone call or a text from him. SMH we'll see! But right now it's icy hahaha . I got Drake's Sooner Than Later on standby waiting to be played bahaha!! I forgot to call you on your birthday, you swear you're the last thing on my mind, there is nothing I can do to fix it, all you ever asked me for is time . . . Yea you better say that shit Drake, hell . Only this time it'll be LATER than SOONER . F' that.

[*I'm SO Over It*]

As you know I went to orientation for TSU and that worked out pretty well, I got a lot of things done and I'm excited about next year. While I was there one of the ladies said that God wouldn't have made us go through all of the things that we had to go through to get there if it wasn't worth it, and if there wasn't a reason, so I thought about that and now I'm giving it a try. I signed up for the band but I'm not so sure about that yet, smh. We'll see. That's not why I brought that up, my brother aka my best friend Shaniequa's ex (but they still do all of the things that a couple would do) told me that he would go with me cause he's never been, so I was like cool! He had said something to Shaniequa about it and I even talked to her and she didn't say anything so I thought it was cool! She calls me today on some shit like it was disrespectful for me not to clear it with her first, and that we take the bro/sis thing too far and that I'm her best friend not his and blah blah blah. Ok I saw where she was coming from when it came to the whole making sure it was ok with her thing. But she completely blew it out of proportion AND I don't like the way that she came at me. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Shaniequa, she's my best friend and my sister and I would do anything for her, but lately she's been doing some stuff that has made me just kind of be coo off of her. Like she gone tell me to come to Terre Haute (boring as hell, small as hell and NO ONE is there) for my birthday because she isn't coming home. HUH? No I'm not. So after she told me that, I hadn't talked to her because I couldn't believe that she would even shape her thumbs to even type some shit like that. After sitting back and observing some of the bad habits that I've picked up over the years I learned that a lot of them have came along with being friends with her, like being negative all of the time? That's Shaniequa, she will find something bad about a person and hate them for it. PERIOD. And I've slowly been weening myself off of that bs, like I said I love her, but something just hasn't been clicking with us lately. IDK!! I just feel like my best bet is to stay away from her for a while. And see where that gets us.

[*Habitual Line Steppers*]

This seems to be a big problem lately and I'm not gonna dwell on it long. But for some reason the newest fad is for guys to cuss girls out and call them out of their name, and put their business on the street. (AKA being disre-fucking-spectful) The last time I checked that's what hating ass females did, and for some reason that's what guys have started to do. Now I haven't been called out or forced to exhibit public ratchetness yet (because I refuse to) BUT I have been called out of my name. HOLD UP STOP THE MUTHAF*CKIN PRESS!! Whaaaa? So we're calling people out of their names now? This is my take, like I said I'm not gonna dwell on it long, if you're a guy wtf are you getting out of doing that? Like are you gonna bust a nut afterwards? Cause some niggaz put in hella work to put ppls shit out there. I think it's lame and a waste of time. And I won't entertain the ignorance, I refuse. There's no point!! ::Sigh:: Guess I'll just have to be all kind of hoes and bitches because I refuse to sit there and go back and forth. I mean for what? It's such a waste of time, there are better things to do around this time like work, or prepare for COLLEGE!!! Do that!! Fuckers. MOVING ON!

[*High Pedestals*]

I made the horrible mistake of writing a post a few days ago and it was totally about him, but it was in reference to our situation. I have a friend (who shall remain nameless for now) and he has recently became a member of a Fraternity! Well ever since then he's put himself up on this high ass pedestal and he's standing firmly on top of it, there's no knocking him down and I'm sick of it. (No seriously like I want to barf every time he starts talking!) I went to his probate and bought him gifts, even though I didn't have the money to, I sold books so I could have the money to buy him some nice gifts and drive to Nashville to see his probate because I wouldn't miss it for the world. Ever since that weekend things have gone downhill with us. I'm not gonna put everything out there, but quite frankly I've reached my limit with him and I can't take it, until he gets his life together and stops sucking on all of the gases outside of the O-Zone I'm not fuckin' with him! He brings nothing but confusion and pain to my life and I don't need that. I don't give a damn what you are, or what letters you have, that doesn't give you the right to act better than me or anybody for that matter, but especially me. I have never said no to him, even when we were younger. The only time I did was when I was with my someone and he asked me to go out somewhere with him, but even then I still allowed him to come over to my place and kick it! That's where I went wrong. I should've started telling his ass no a LONG time ago!! Maybe we won't be in this situation. And oh yea! Get your mind out of the gutter because when I say I never said no, this isn't in reference to sexual things, its just stuff in general lol. Pervs!! I know you were thinking it. SHAKE MY DAMN HEAD! HAHA!! Buuuut yea we'll be at school together now shoot me!! So we'll see how this goes. I'm going to try to stay clear away from him lol that's prolly the best thing I could do haha!!

[*Return of the Recluse*]

I've been feeling very stand offish lately, and I don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm going through big changes in my life Idk, but I've been keeping to myself. This summer I must say that I've gone through a lot of growth and I've learned a lot of lessons!! Right now I'm on this, if you aren't on the same shit that I am then I don't need you around. What happens in your life and how you live it is really depending on who you allow to be in your life. So I'm damn near ready to just stop talking to a lot of people all together. You can say that it's wrong all you want to, and that I shouldn't do that but I think I'm going to just take a break from people and see how that goes. Sometimes people bring things to your party (life) that shouldn't be there but you partake in it anyway and it fucks you up, and I don't need that. I have a lot of goals that I'm trying to accomplish this school year and I'm not about to let anyone get in the way of that. I'm all about my Stay Positive Movement (THE SPM) and if you aren't about uplifting me then get lost! For real. No exceptions! I've gotten accustomed to being by myself this summer so I think I'll be just fine!!

[*DON'T DO IT!!*]

Like I mentioned earlier, my friend Jasmine is getting married on Saturday ::sigh:: I'm not gonna go into full detail but I honestly don't think that she should do it. She barely even knows this guy I'll say that she's spent like a total of a month and half in person with him, the rest was over the phone while he was in Iraq and now they're getting married. Not to put their business out there but just know that the things that are combining to make up their relationship is not fit for a marriage that is for damn sure. If your fiance is still learning things about you, like important things that they should know way before the proposal, there's a problem. ::Throws Hands Up:: Ey, that's all I'm sayin!

[*I Guess Everyone Wants An Oscar!*]

For some reason I've ran into nothing but dramatic guys. Like no matter what, I always end up being with a guy that's dramatic as hell! I've been putting up with a lot of drama lately and it's starting to make my head hurt. Have you ever wanted to tell someone yo like seriously? you're actin like a bitch right now, quit it. Well that's how I've been feeling lol. Give me a f'n break, plus untuck your nut sack, let that shit swing, and MAN UP!! Sheesh! That's such a freaking turn off!! SMH. Speaking of dramatic the 30th is my little brother aka my ex boyfriends little brother's birthday and I'm going over there to celebrate ::sigh:: we'll see how this one go. I bet that the drama will be at an ALL TIME HIGH!! We'll see just how dysfunctional this is, anyone know how to tie a noose? Bahahaha!!

[*Fun Facts!*]

My birthday is the on the 31st. WOOOO HOOOOO!! And I'm totally stoked!! I gave myself an early birthday present, it's a bad ass tattoo, I have one more session and it's done!!! Oh yea, I was supposed to take my friend with me when I went for my last session but I went on his Twitter and he was talkin' hella slick about it so we'll see. ANYWAY!!

This is the tat:

Yea it's dope I know !! To explain it, the flowers are called "Narcissus Flowers" and narcissus means a conceited person

(even though it isn't me lol but it goes along with the words) and because their poisonous flowers. I figured that would be

dope to go along with "Femme Fatale" which means dangerously attractive woman and thats what the words are.

All she has to do is add the leaves and the blue accents to make em pop and I'm finished!! Her name is Brandee Gordon

and the name of her shop is Native Ink Tattoo. She's on twitter && myspace look her up ppl and hit her up, she does

really good work!!

Well! That's all folks!! =)

SO dope. *

Family Matters

I knew this was coming. Ok so have you ever acted on impulse and didn't think of the consequences but by the time you've done that it's too late?

Yea I'm tryna be proactive. Right now I'm at a rock and a hard place. As you know, I've been accepted to Tennessee State and I had plans on transferring there in the fall and leaving Kentucky State behind me. I was all game for that because I've always loved TSU and my best friend goes there so I was all amped up for being at school with him.

But my friend from KSU had a talk with me last night and so did one of my co-workers. Maybe I should look at the pro's and con's of the two and then compare them. Aight so here it goes.

TSU Pro's :

New scenery . New start . Bigger school . Better city .

KSU Pro's :

Brandon's there . I won't lose any credits . Established friendships . Big opportunity has been offered that means a lot to me, can't say it on here but it's awesome . The band is probably going to kill this year which means 2nd year at Honda .

TSU Con's :

Lost credits . No established friendships for real . (Well just my best friend Vincent and then my "friend" Shawn, plus Brandon and Jahmal) but two of those are in fraternities so that's just drama waiting to happen . I'd be the new girl on campus . NO band .

KSU Cons :

Small ass school . Same stupid, petty bs that I was dealing with last year .

I can't think of everything right now, but the biggest thing that's puzzling me about this is, no band? I mean I know what you're thinking TSU has a band so I can just join there right? NO WAY!! After all of the blood, sweat, and tears that I put towards MMT (Mighty Marching Thorobreds) I refuse to give myself to another band like that. No can do. Some of you can call it a stupid reason if you want to, but quite frankly it's extremely important to me. I've been in band for almost 10 years. A DECADE!! It's basically a part of me, it's like a person that has dedicated their life to basketball and just decides to give it up way before their time.

Plus during all of the stuff that I've gone through with these people, it's brought us close together like a family and I don't know if I want to leave that . MMT is my extended family and they meet a lot to me, so I don't think I can just pack up on them like that!

We'll see .

SO dope. *

SO Dope Recognizing Dope-ness

Ya'll know I love me some YouTube, well while surfing video's I came across this guy, truly amazing. Me being a musician myself I love seeing other musicians do their thing and do it well!! I LOVE IT! Here are the two video's that I enjoyed because they're covering two of my favorite artists. There are many other super awesome video's on his channel go check him out and subscribe. If I'm late feel free to issue me my late pass. But he's the truth! Enjoy . . .

Kanye West Medley Good Morning, Champion, Can't Tell Me Nothin, Flashing Lights, Everything I Am, Good Life, and Stronger

Best I Ever Had

Did you peep how he threw the theme song from The Andy Griffith show in there?? Yea he's dope.

He's got the SO dope. * Stamp of Approval. Balee'Dat!

SO dope. *

Run For Cover .. I Think She's Gonna Blow!!

Here's a little piece of business about the kid, I'm extremely easy to get along with, if you're my friend I will love you unconditionally and keep nothing but your best interest at heart. When I fall in love, I fall hard and I will put my all into it. Sometimes I just like to sit and listen to my surroundings and soak everything in that's going on around me, I put a lot of thought into practically everything, I'm an intellectual thinker, I'm the person that tries to sort things out in my head before they happen to try and prepare myself for the result of things, make sense?

Well with that being said this post is coming from me sitting and observing things, holding in feelings, trying to ignore things like they aren't happening but I'm so filled up with all of these emotions that I feel like I'm about to explode! ::Screams:: We're gonna throw the Stay Positive Movement out of the window for this one cause this isn't going to be positive at all lol I need to get this off of my mind though.

Since I've been out of school I've had a lot of me time because I'm alone all of the time since it's just my mom and I at my house, and during this time I listen to music and I think a lot. Have you ever felt like you've been thinking too much? And you have so many idea's in your head that you can't even squeeze anymore in. Yea that's how I'm feeling right now and I'm over it. Seriously! Haha!!

Love ;; Ok. Throw me a rope! I'm tip toeing on the brink of insanity when it comes to this. I am so drained right now. But I can't really do anything but blame myself because I've thrown myself into a pool of a gazillion emotions and I'm in over my head. It's driving me nuts. I'm such a loving person, I wear my heart on my sleeve (yea don't get any idea's either) and I'm hella sensitive so it's like once I get involved with someone for a long period of time it's like they get a little piece of my heart. And right now at this very second, I'm overwhelmed!! ::throws random object:: I love so hard that it hurts sometimes. Like I invest a lot of my thoughts and my feelings into relationships and I need to quit doing that. My ex is here in Indianapolis and we still talk (we work at the same place) but it sucks big ass BLUE balls because he knows me so well. I can call him and talk to him about something and he'll give me everything that I need even if it isn't necessarily what I want to hear. Honestly the only person that knows me better than him is my best friend Shaniequa. I think it's because we spent so much time together in our relationship of 2 years, we would just sit and talk. It's crazy cause we can go for months without talking and he can call me and talk to me like those 2 months didn't happen. But of course there's a catch, besides the fact that he knows me, he's so wrong for me. He's the jerk that doesn't hold the door, and says stuff to me that you shouldn't say to a woman, like he's a Grade A asshole and I don't need that. I'd like to keep him around but the whole being friends with your ex is weird to me, PLUS Deborah and R.L. said it the best we can't be friends. So scratch that!! Anyway! Brandon on the other end has all of the qualities in a man that I want. And my heart/mind is telling me to stick with him. So lets hope that I'm making the right decision O_O . It's all a matter of being patient, it takes a while to build a relationship, I'm just expecting things to fall in place immediately. Ugh, I have got to stop doing that. LOL I love my B. McQueen so whatever, moving on.

I know that you've heard the stories or seen the movies about the guy that had the girl that was all head over heels for him and what not, and he treated her like shit and so she left him alone and then he wants her back but it doesn't happen. Yea I'm in a situation like that. There was this guy at school that I was head over heels for. I adored him! He came along with the hero effect, I had just gotten out of the relationship with my ex and I was all heartbroken and hurt, and he came along doing and saying all of the right things and so I gravitated towards him. Well once time passed and we were comfortable with each other he did a complete 180, he was horrible. Basically to make a long story short, I eventually got over him and now he's all in love with me. I promise my mom wasn't lying. She always told me that when you ignore a guy they're going to come at you strong! Every time I've done this it has worked. Except in this situation I'm feeling hella bad for him because he really loves me. But then I think like ok, he wasn't taking my feelings into consideration when he was treating me like crap so I guess this is just a case of karma. Damn she's a bitch. But oh my goodness he's so dramatic and I promise that gets under my skin. Don't flood my inbox with drama at 6:00 am. STOP IT. ::Slowly Breathes:: Ok lets keep it moving.

Life ;; I swear I'm trying so hard to stay strong but it seems like if it's not one thing, its another. Something is always going wrong. I'm asking myself, what do you do when you feel like everything is slowly but surely falling apart around you? I made the horrible mistake of going to my grandparents house with my mother and I got presented with a lot of stuff that I had no clue about. I'm sitting here listening to her, my uncle, and grandfather talk like damn when was I scheduled to receive the memo? She's telling me not to worry but I can't help it!! My biggest downfall has been losing sight of the path that has been placed in front of me by God. It's like I'm standing there staring at it while all of this stuff is getting piled on top of me. I promise it feels like I weigh 500lbs. It's gotten to the point where I need to just let myself fall down to my knee's and pray. My favorite saying is Prayer + Faith = Results I'm a firm believer in that.

I have got to remember!!

When you start living your life for yourself and not for Him things will start going haywire. God is the adhesive that holds our lives together and when we start going through life without Him, things fall apart. I have GOT to stop letting myself get consumed in worldly mess. Seriously. I'm not saying that I'm going to be an angel because that's impossible but I need to stop trying to live on my own like I don't need Him when I do. Once you start getting your life together that's when things are going to come at you 10x's harder because they don't want to see you better yourself and live for Him. Man, what have I been thinking?? I'm not going to down myself because everyone falls short that's life, I just need to get back on track. I think my biggest downfall right now is the fact that I'm not really happy with the church that my mom goes to. I love the pastor I've known him for my whole life almost, he baptized me, but I'm not really feeling it. When I first met him he was an associate pastor at the church that we started off going to, and when he left so did we, but now that I'm old enough I think I'm going to start going back to our old church. Even if that means going by myself. I have GOT to get myself together. That is the only solution right now. It's clear! *An awesome song for this is I'm the One by Deitrick Haddon. Check it out!!*

I feel better already.

Lastly ;; I really wish that people would learn how to embrace themselves for who they are. I'm so sick of seeing people trying to make themselves out to be something that they aren't. If you're weird embrace you're weirdness! To me being cool isn't what everyone else is doing, being cool is being yourself. Be yourself, everyone else is taken.

No one wants a knock off. LOL so just be you.

When I was growing up I was teased a lot because of how I acted, or because of how I talked, but at this point I'm looking at myself like I love my weirdness and everything else. I love myself. And that is so important that you love yourself, not on no conceited stuff, but love yourself. You can't love someone else until you love yourself. Balee'dat .

SO dope. *

P.S. This song is soo real, most definitely one of my all time favorites. Loved the movie too. Kind of sums up some of my feelings. Listen and you'll see where I'm coming from :)

Don't Say You Will .. Unless You Will (Theoretically)

Ok so while at work I was thinking, I haven't posted in my blog since yesterday so I might as well post a little something. LOL

Well it's hard to just pull a post out of thin air so I turned to my good friend Yeezy (808's && Heartbreak to be exact) for some inspiration. I'm sitting here boppin to Say You Will and my mind got to thinking about the lyrics. The shit he's talking about is real life shit, like have you been in a situation like that?? Ok this isn't necessarily my interpretation of the song because I have many, however, this is where my thought process took me.

Aight so theoretically, you have this person in your life that has this hold on you like, you love to hate em and hate to love em. You try your hardest to let them go but for some reason you can't because they always do something to pull you back, a random text/phone call, cameo appearance in your world, WHATEVER! No matter WHAT they do or say you have them on your mind constantly. Like seriously what is the purpose of this person? They're the sweetest drug but come with sucky ass side effects. They're never consistently in your life they fade in and out, but their presence is always there. When they aren't in your life you miss them, always wondering what they're up to, wishing that you were cool, but when they're there you're always going through the most like, omg why am I doing this to myself ... AGAIN!! SMH doesn't make any sense!! And it's not like they can come in your life and then go, naa they have to do damage!! You have these weird unexplainable feelings for them, you love them, but then again you don't, then you aren't sure if you do or not. Whatever those feelings are it seems like when you're around this person the feelings consume you and can't get enough of them! Ok so forget all of that you brush it off. Cool.

As time goes by you start putting more thought into it like, damn this person is really close to me and we've been kickin' it for years now, we might as well get together!! And of course, they're on a completely different agenda, with different people in and out of their life, same with you, as soon as they're available they want you, but you're not so you can't pursue it. That's the worst. ::Sigh:: so more time passes and you're both single, finally and you think that you're going to get together they say that you are. They pump your head up and got you thinking its really about to happen this time!! But it doesn't happen, same bullshit, someone has came in their life and you have been put on hold once again (-_-) so you're at a loss right now. Hopes were as high as all of the sky scrapers in NY and your feelings were as strong as the year is long and you've been bamboozled, tricked, lied to, played, heartbroken.. again!

The thing that really racks my brain about this is what do they get out of that? Do they go into the situation with full intentions of being with you but then "shit happens" and things are once again postponed, or was it all a game and they wanted to see if you would go for it, or is it simply because it isn't meant to be? But wait, it feels so good to be with them. Whenever you see them you're hearts all a flutter, you start blushing, and your eyes are all googley over them. They're so dreamy. How do you break yourself from these restraints? This is truly an example of being wrapped around someone's finger, and man does that suck!!

The only thing that's worse than a heart being broken is a heart being on hold, hoping maybe it'll be your turn to take a chance at loving this person. You know good and well that there are so many other fish in the sea, you fall in love with others, get wrapped up in relationships, serious ones, but yet and still there's that little tingling feeling in the back of your mind that longs for them. It's like a whirlwind effect, I wonder do they think of me like this? Do they feel this way about me? Millions of questions that are asked on the regular hoping that their answers are the same as yours. How do you fix a relationship that has been ruined countless times before it has even started?? How do you fix that? Forgiveness can only last for so long, they'll come around won't they?

I admit I still fantasize about you, about you, hey hey hey, don't say you will .. unless you will .

Why do the phone calls continue? Why do the hugs get longer, warmer, and more intimate? Why do those brown eyes pierce further into your soul? You've only been intimate once but you cherish the moment closely to your heart, lying in your bed hoping for one more night. And hoping for your chance.

Sick, sick individuals condone this behavior and it won't be tolerated over this way. I refuse to be strung along for a long and grueling lifetime with this person. I can't help but think, what would happen once you get together with this person? Is it everything that you've hoped for? Or is it nothing more than a complete catastrophe? I don't know!!

I guess the moral of the story is .. Don't say you will ..

SO dope. *

P.S. On a lighter note lol if you haven't seen this video yet you're missing out!! This is one of my favs!!

We eatin' ya'll purple haze mutha fucka, and we eatin ya'll cocaine rock smokers cause its a new rock coming to town purple rock cocaine and its not for sale, and it's taking all of you muthfuckin dope smokers to the moon!!! LMAO *Classic*

The Honesty Box Bandit Strikes AGAIN!!

I woke up to this bs and I thought I'd channel all of my frustration through my blog. Whoa!! Don't you fret, I'm not upset or anything I'm just a little puzzled right now. To start of this rant, I'm going to put you up on game. Me being the person that I am, not being conceited I'm just saying, I've had a lot of haters in my time. And where is the haven for haters? Facebook! Why because of an application called the Honesty Box (as exhibited in the corner.) Now, the majority of my messages are nice and positive which is fine BUT every now and then I get a visit from a Honesty Box Bandit that goes out of their way to say some bullshit that is just unnecessary!

This has happened to me multiple times but this one this morning just really tickled me and got me thinking. First of all, in order for them to find my honesty box, they have to go through a lot of searching and what not because I took it off of my page for this very reason! The message read something like, Grow up. You are a waste of air lmfao BITCH! ::blank stare:: ok umm I'm glad you had to get that off of your chest lol. Sheesh!! Recently I've became a fan of Nicki Minaj and she has something called the Nictionary. And in the Nictionary there are definitions of terms that she uses. One of my favorites is Strawberry Shortcake.

Strawberry Shortcake: 1) A broke bitch 2) one who loses sight of her goals and CAKE by focusing on BEEF and negativity.

The second part of the definition is my favorite. So many girls/guys are doing that, now that I put you up on game, that's why I'm frustrated!!

We here at The Kaleidoscope are all about open happiness, love, positivity, ALL OF THAT and it's highly unacceptable for someone to be on anything other than that. So that's why I don't understand why someone would want to consume themselves in negativity. But then it dawned on me, once you're happy because you're doing well, and you're getting blessed, there's always that person that tries to steal your happiness. Why get upset about someone doing well, you should take that as motivation to step your own shit up. I know I do, if I see someone out there doing it big, I always use that to strive towards doing it even bigger!

Hating on another guy/girl isn't a good look, that's lame!!

::sigh:: So now that I've gotten that off of my chest I'm going to say, when things like this happen all I can do laugh about it. And think that I must be doing something right for them to take time out of their day to say something about me. Little old me!! :) Haha!! This is a great example of me sticking to the stay positive movement because I'm definitely going to find the positives in this and stick to it!! Also, make sure you start calling out those strawberry shortcakes out there. Haha and make sure you laugh.

In the meantime, I'm going to work on completely deleting my honesty box because clearly people don't know how to act. We're staying positive and that's just a doorway to let in the negative energy and I don't need that!! So I'm gonna throw my head back and laugh ha ha ha ha ha!!

On to more exciting news, I'm going down to Nashville on the 28th for new student orientation! So excited!! In spite of how things have turned around for me, I'm still ready to move away from Indianapolis and start off this new chapter in my life. :) I have an AMAZING feeling about this, starting off on a new leaf is a great feeling!! Oh yea and its Tuesday cha ching! 40 cent wings at BW3's I'm IN THERE! TastyPow!!

I'm not gonna ramble on, but remember keep smiling :) .

I had always been a fan of the grape lady video. Where she falls and like screams for 30 seconds lmao!! But I ran across the Family Guy version lmao! I was sooo STOKED! HEE-LARIOUS!!

.. It's amazing, I'm the reason, everybodies fired up this evening, I'm exhausted barely breathing, holding on to what I believe and no matter what you'll never take that from me my rein is as far as your eyes can see . So amazing .

I'm a problem that will never ever be solved ..

SO dope. *

I Pok(her) Face

Happy Monday guys!!!

I got a lot of rest this weekend ( surprisingly ) so I'm all smiles . I talked to Brandon before I went to sleep Saturday AND Sunday so that definitely made my weekend!! :) Well so did the Yeezy's but talking to him was the icing on the cake ::sigh:: he's so dreamy lol

This new video release makes me smile even harder ! MTV released a 30 second preview of this video on Friday and now it's here!! The Official Video for Kid Cudi's first single featuring Kanye West && Common Make Her Say is finally here!! Enjoy!!

Oh and just for giggles lol I ran across this HILARIOUS video on YouTube . Enjoy your vacation thank me later :) . Fast forward to 1:56

to get to the funny part :)

See? MJ had an impact on EVERYBODY!! Hahaha!! I just had to contribute to all of the open happiness that's spreading all around hehe!!

Oh yea!! Check me out!! How do you wear your Yeezy's? Those are leopard print leggings by the way :)

SO dope. *

You Can't Tell Me NOTHIN!!

Welp!! Luck is definitely on my side!! Things were sucking horribly but now they couldn't be better!! I got accepted to TSU and then won myself a pair of Air Yeezy's in a raffle.

The funny thing is, I've never won a raffle up until today!! Sheesh, and to think, I used to get mad at the basketball games when I didn't win a free t-shirt, to not win these would've been DEVASTATING!!

It still hasn't hit me yet. The tickets were $10 each and I spent $50 on them. Man o' man! I'm so glad that I took that chance haha!! I thought the $50 I spent on a fake ID was the best ever spent no way, I think THIS ONE takes the cake!! Haha!! Definitely feeling myself right now, I feel like I can do anything!! Sheesh!! That's all I can say!! They told me that a guy had JUST came and spent $150 on tickets, and he didn't win thats crazy ya'll! The first ticket pulled wasn't even mine, but the person wasn't there. I promise I wish I knew who that person was so I can give them a hug haha!!

This 12 year old kid was there, with his shirt that said Yeezy Knows, see he was giving me his poker face the whole time bahaha!! FAIL!! Should've asked him for it. Cause it definitely matched. Shoot.

In the words of Yeezy himself, you can't tell me nothin'!! ::Insert Jeezy Laugh Here::

.. So if the devil wears Prada . Adam, Eve wear nada . I'm in between but way more fresher, with way less effort ..

SO dope.*

It's an Epidemic!! *Open Happiness*

This has to be like one of the best things I've seen all week!!

This definitely goes hand in hand with my "Stay Positive" movement. EXCITING!! I loved it! The name of the song is called "Open Happiness" and it's one of the best collaborations EVER. Travis McCoy (LOVE HIM) *Gym Class Heros*, Patrick Stump *Fall Out Boy*, Brandon Urie *Panic At The Disco*, Cee Lo , and Janelle Monae.

TheBomb.com right??

Well it's definitely a happy song, and I'm gonna save this one for a rainy day :)!! Don't forget to smile ya'll it's a mini va-ca!!

Fun && Happines right? I know, I know lol

SO dope. *

New Chapter ((BACK TO SCHOOL))

FINALLY!! I know what's going on with me in the Fall, I got my information from TSU and that's where I'm going . I had a mini freak out after I found out that I was accepted because I have everything for me there BUT Brandon. ::Insert Sad Face:: but then I got to thinking...

Until today I was clueless about what I was going to do in the fall, but now that it's came up I guess that's God telling me thats where I belong. It's only a few hours away from K State, I've made the drive twice!! So I'm thinking if Brandon really cares about me the way that he says he does, then he will be willing to make things work regardless of where we are. If not, then I guess it wasn't meant to be. If he brings his car with him then we can alternate visiting on weekends, which will be easy since I'm not marching. ::Insert Sad Face:: I'm definitely going to miss that as well. But hey, sometimes change isn't always that comfortable in the beginning but it all works out in the end.

I'm kind of scared because it's a new environment, new state, city, campus, ppl, but I have a few people there that I know will help me out. It's just a matter of staying positive, and praying and putting my faith in God so that He can continue to order my steps in the direction that they need to be going. I had prayed and asked Him to show me the way, and I guess this is the way. One of my favorite sayings are, "Everything happens for a reason" so we'll see :).

Pray for me ya'll as I embark in my new chapter. I have a good feeling about this, I know it's the right thing to do. I'm starting off fresh, with a clean slate and that's always good :). I've heard people say, "don't be afraid of change, change is good" I agree!

SO dope. *

I Need A Vacation!!

It's Thursday which means that the longest week of my life is coming to an end! Don't ask.. I have no idea how it ended up being so long but I swear it feels like today should be Sunday!!

As you know I recently kicked off my "Stay Positive" Movement on Monday and I just wanted to give an update and let you guys know how I've been doing AND say that I hope that things have been working out for you as well!! This was a tough week for me, not necessarily because I had a lot of drama going on but because I haven't been getting enough sleep and that starts to take it's toll on your body after a while ya know? And that's what I'm experiencing right now ugh! Not to mention that I've been trying to figure out what's going on with school in the Fall. Yea I STILL haven't gotten any feedback, at this point it looks like I'm going to be back at K State, if you know how to tie a noose please send it to 400 E. Main St so it can be waiting for me upon my return!! LOL!! I hate that school ya'll! But I guess I've done relatively well. I went to the midnight showing of Harry Potter and it was awesome!! If you're a HP fan and you haven't seen it yet, I suggest that you go ASAP because that movie was indeed thebomb.com ok?? TRUST ME!!

Brandon has started working full time so he has NO time for me at all. Which sucks hella blue balls because I'm an attention whore, I need attention and affection from my significant other. A lot of my last relationships have been epic fails, so when things aren't going the way that I think they should be, I start getting this tingling feeling in my brain about it. My mind starts moving at a gazillion miles per hour and SO many thoughts cross my mind it's crazy!! But I had a convo with one of my guy friends and I've decided that I needed to incorporate trust and patience into my relationship skills. Don't get me wrong I have all of the those things but when it comes to times like this when I'm not getting calls from him for days at a time I can't help but wonder right? Any other time I would've flipped out and just called it quits, but I'm trying something different and I'm trying to be understanding and not be all up in his face about it. I know he has feelings for me and that he cares about me, and I've taken his word and held it closely to my heart when he told me that if he's going to be with me, thats it, it's me and no one else and he's going to give it his all. Even though if this is his all I'm not really excited about seeing what his half is lol, I'm just sayin!! But when things aren't going bad things are wonderful so I guess it's worth me giving it a try, and whats the worse that can happen? Ok so he hasn't been making the best decisions, ok, that's fine, once I get proof and I'm completely unhappy with the relationship I can take it as a lesson learned and move on!

I swear there's nothing better than learning a good life lesson. No matter what it may be, in the end I promise it's a great feeling knowing that you've experienced it (good or bad) and you know what to do, and what not to do the next time. It's like a little heads up!! Although it seems like I've experienced almost everything there is to experience in relationships ::sigh:: I know there are so many more lessons that I have to learn. Guess I have to get out my notepad and take notes!!

My sister is going to Cali during my birthday weekend, so I'm going to try to go with her so I can go see my boo. Heavens knows I NEED A VACATION ::Jeezy Voice:: lol. Forgive me.

Enough about me!! I hope that things went a little smoother for you this week!! Like I said the week is almost over! You'll be kicking your feet up and relaxing watching One Saturday Morning in no time. (Do they even still have that? Oh well! You get my point.) This has basically been Harry Potter week (trust me I'm going somewhere with this) so lets look at things like this. Dropping knowledge once again, in HP world there are these beings called dementors and they suck all of the happiness out of the area when they come around and they suck out your soul all of that, we're not gonna get into the specific details lol but that's the general idea. ANYWHO!! Whenever Harry was faced with one he had to perform the patronus charm and in order to do it effectively he had to think of an extremely happy thought that would fill him up with joy so he could scare it away. Now, lets put this in muggle (normal ppl) terms lol, sorry I couldn't help but laugh, I mean lets apply this to real life. When something/someone comes around that's probably going to try and steal your joy, think happy thoughts, think of something in the future whatever makes you happy think about it! And don't forget to be positive, and don't let it bother you. You can also look at it like this let the happy thoughts and your positivity be your super ballin' American flag hammer pants as you round house kick the negativity into smithereens! (Yea I said smithereens lol) !!

So come on it's hug time bring it!! It'll be ok! Go do your favorite thing this weekend, everyone has that one thing that they do, to escape and relieve stress. Do it! Well as long as it isn't anything bad lol I don't encourage that but you get my drift!! All of us need a vacation from this madness but don't forget that laughter and happiness is a mini vacation so I'm going to make sure I'm vacationing all weekend!! OH!! And sleeping!!

Stay positive guys :)

Sincerely Signed.

SO dope. *