The Kaleidoscope: Yea I Said It. GET MAD!

Aight forgive me, I've been missing in action I'm not gonna give any excuses or anything like that, I'm here that's all that matters!!! But I'm kind of in a I DON'T GIVE A FUCK mode (excuse my French) right now so if I say something that makes you mad, SORRY but not really . =) I'm tired of holding my tongue ::Steve Harvey Voice:: Muthafucka fo what? It's MY blog I should be able to say whatever the hell I want to. And I am!

[*First Things First*]

My best friend (the one that moved to Texas) is back in town for my friend Jasmine's wedding (we'll get to that in a minute smh) so I'm super stoked about that!! So I'm sitting here talking to her about the whole situation with Brandon, and she calls her husband (who just so happens to be my cousin) down to listen as well. So I run the whole situation by him and he immediately tells me he's cheating. I've been sugar coating this for a while but I've been suspecting it! Totally! So, hearing him say that just confirmed my intuition. I have been having the feeling like he's cheating I know he is. But since I was trying to mature in this relationship I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and trust him! Come on now the proof is in the pudding!! He used to call every night and now he barely even sends me a txt, he did all of this talking about how romantic he is but have I received ANYTHING from him? NOPE! He even has my address!! Soo wtf? Remember I told ya'll what he told me, I'm busy, I'm working full time, I'm coaching, I'm working out and I'm tired when I get home . Aight all of that sounded good at the moment but right now that shit isn't rocking with me. The thing that Stephan said to me that really sealed the deal was this, it shouldn't matter how busy you are, if you really love and care about a person you would do anything to make sure that you talk to them, I worked 13 hours a day in Iraq and did missions that put my life at risk and I still made it a point to call Tonnica. So then I thought, if he can call Tonnica everyday from fucking IRAQ while he's in combat, Brandon can call me from California. I've always thought that but after hearing the guys point of view it's kind of solidified that. So right now I'm kind of like aight Friday is my birthday, if he doesn't do something spectacular, (he has my address so I'm waiting) I'm chuckin the deuces. As advanced as the world is today, he could've figured out something for my birthday, something but I'm not holding my breath. To be 100% honest I'm not even expecting a phone call or a text from him. SMH we'll see! But right now it's icy hahaha . I got Drake's Sooner Than Later on standby waiting to be played bahaha!! I forgot to call you on your birthday, you swear you're the last thing on my mind, there is nothing I can do to fix it, all you ever asked me for is time . . . Yea you better say that shit Drake, hell . Only this time it'll be LATER than SOONER . F' that.

[*I'm SO Over It*]

As you know I went to orientation for TSU and that worked out pretty well, I got a lot of things done and I'm excited about next year. While I was there one of the ladies said that God wouldn't have made us go through all of the things that we had to go through to get there if it wasn't worth it, and if there wasn't a reason, so I thought about that and now I'm giving it a try. I signed up for the band but I'm not so sure about that yet, smh. We'll see. That's not why I brought that up, my brother aka my best friend Shaniequa's ex (but they still do all of the things that a couple would do) told me that he would go with me cause he's never been, so I was like cool! He had said something to Shaniequa about it and I even talked to her and she didn't say anything so I thought it was cool! She calls me today on some shit like it was disrespectful for me not to clear it with her first, and that we take the bro/sis thing too far and that I'm her best friend not his and blah blah blah. Ok I saw where she was coming from when it came to the whole making sure it was ok with her thing. But she completely blew it out of proportion AND I don't like the way that she came at me. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Shaniequa, she's my best friend and my sister and I would do anything for her, but lately she's been doing some stuff that has made me just kind of be coo off of her. Like she gone tell me to come to Terre Haute (boring as hell, small as hell and NO ONE is there) for my birthday because she isn't coming home. HUH? No I'm not. So after she told me that, I hadn't talked to her because I couldn't believe that she would even shape her thumbs to even type some shit like that. After sitting back and observing some of the bad habits that I've picked up over the years I learned that a lot of them have came along with being friends with her, like being negative all of the time? That's Shaniequa, she will find something bad about a person and hate them for it. PERIOD. And I've slowly been weening myself off of that bs, like I said I love her, but something just hasn't been clicking with us lately. IDK!! I just feel like my best bet is to stay away from her for a while. And see where that gets us.

[*Habitual Line Steppers*]

This seems to be a big problem lately and I'm not gonna dwell on it long. But for some reason the newest fad is for guys to cuss girls out and call them out of their name, and put their business on the street. (AKA being disre-fucking-spectful) The last time I checked that's what hating ass females did, and for some reason that's what guys have started to do. Now I haven't been called out or forced to exhibit public ratchetness yet (because I refuse to) BUT I have been called out of my name. HOLD UP STOP THE MUTHAF*CKIN PRESS!! Whaaaa? So we're calling people out of their names now? This is my take, like I said I'm not gonna dwell on it long, if you're a guy wtf are you getting out of doing that? Like are you gonna bust a nut afterwards? Cause some niggaz put in hella work to put ppls shit out there. I think it's lame and a waste of time. And I won't entertain the ignorance, I refuse. There's no point!! ::Sigh:: Guess I'll just have to be all kind of hoes and bitches because I refuse to sit there and go back and forth. I mean for what? It's such a waste of time, there are better things to do around this time like work, or prepare for COLLEGE!!! Do that!! Fuckers. MOVING ON!

[*High Pedestals*]

I made the horrible mistake of writing a post a few days ago and it was totally about him, but it was in reference to our situation. I have a friend (who shall remain nameless for now) and he has recently became a member of a Fraternity! Well ever since then he's put himself up on this high ass pedestal and he's standing firmly on top of it, there's no knocking him down and I'm sick of it. (No seriously like I want to barf every time he starts talking!) I went to his probate and bought him gifts, even though I didn't have the money to, I sold books so I could have the money to buy him some nice gifts and drive to Nashville to see his probate because I wouldn't miss it for the world. Ever since that weekend things have gone downhill with us. I'm not gonna put everything out there, but quite frankly I've reached my limit with him and I can't take it, until he gets his life together and stops sucking on all of the gases outside of the O-Zone I'm not fuckin' with him! He brings nothing but confusion and pain to my life and I don't need that. I don't give a damn what you are, or what letters you have, that doesn't give you the right to act better than me or anybody for that matter, but especially me. I have never said no to him, even when we were younger. The only time I did was when I was with my someone and he asked me to go out somewhere with him, but even then I still allowed him to come over to my place and kick it! That's where I went wrong. I should've started telling his ass no a LONG time ago!! Maybe we won't be in this situation. And oh yea! Get your mind out of the gutter because when I say I never said no, this isn't in reference to sexual things, its just stuff in general lol. Pervs!! I know you were thinking it. SHAKE MY DAMN HEAD! HAHA!! Buuuut yea we'll be at school together now shoot me!! So we'll see how this goes. I'm going to try to stay clear away from him lol that's prolly the best thing I could do haha!!

[*Return of the Recluse*]

I've been feeling very stand offish lately, and I don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm going through big changes in my life Idk, but I've been keeping to myself. This summer I must say that I've gone through a lot of growth and I've learned a lot of lessons!! Right now I'm on this, if you aren't on the same shit that I am then I don't need you around. What happens in your life and how you live it is really depending on who you allow to be in your life. So I'm damn near ready to just stop talking to a lot of people all together. You can say that it's wrong all you want to, and that I shouldn't do that but I think I'm going to just take a break from people and see how that goes. Sometimes people bring things to your party (life) that shouldn't be there but you partake in it anyway and it fucks you up, and I don't need that. I have a lot of goals that I'm trying to accomplish this school year and I'm not about to let anyone get in the way of that. I'm all about my Stay Positive Movement (THE SPM) and if you aren't about uplifting me then get lost! For real. No exceptions! I've gotten accustomed to being by myself this summer so I think I'll be just fine!!

[*DON'T DO IT!!*]

Like I mentioned earlier, my friend Jasmine is getting married on Saturday ::sigh:: I'm not gonna go into full detail but I honestly don't think that she should do it. She barely even knows this guy I'll say that she's spent like a total of a month and half in person with him, the rest was over the phone while he was in Iraq and now they're getting married. Not to put their business out there but just know that the things that are combining to make up their relationship is not fit for a marriage that is for damn sure. If your fiance is still learning things about you, like important things that they should know way before the proposal, there's a problem. ::Throws Hands Up:: Ey, that's all I'm sayin!

[*I Guess Everyone Wants An Oscar!*]

For some reason I've ran into nothing but dramatic guys. Like no matter what, I always end up being with a guy that's dramatic as hell! I've been putting up with a lot of drama lately and it's starting to make my head hurt. Have you ever wanted to tell someone yo like seriously? you're actin like a bitch right now, quit it. Well that's how I've been feeling lol. Give me a f'n break, plus untuck your nut sack, let that shit swing, and MAN UP!! Sheesh! That's such a freaking turn off!! SMH. Speaking of dramatic the 30th is my little brother aka my ex boyfriends little brother's birthday and I'm going over there to celebrate ::sigh:: we'll see how this one go. I bet that the drama will be at an ALL TIME HIGH!! We'll see just how dysfunctional this is, anyone know how to tie a noose? Bahahaha!!

[*Fun Facts!*]

My birthday is the on the 31st. WOOOO HOOOOO!! And I'm totally stoked!! I gave myself an early birthday present, it's a bad ass tattoo, I have one more session and it's done!!! Oh yea, I was supposed to take my friend with me when I went for my last session but I went on his Twitter and he was talkin' hella slick about it so we'll see. ANYWAY!!